{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090609

6/09/2009 10:04:00 PM

It's been months since the disposal of those dreaded emotions.

Some of acquaintances have asked...
"So how's it going with life?"
"So whom are you with now?"
"We should meet up some time... how about Wednesday?"
"Dude, you free for breakfast?"
"Hey, wanna go for some tea?"
"Bro, are you coming for the BBQ this Saturday?"

I've always replied...
"Sorry dude, I'm really busy now.."
"I'm really apologetic, but my boss seems rather flustered with work at the moment..."
"Perhaps some other time? I'll owe you a drink for this, alright?"
"Nah, I've got an urgent meeting to attend to at the moment!"
"Nope, gotta attend some function/dinner/ anything that sort..."

Then from those whom I cherished...
"What are you doing now?"
"Will you be home today?"
"Are you coming home for dinner?"
"Are you alright?"

I've always assured them...
"I'm kinda busy, but yea, what about? Don't worry, you've always got me around!"
"I'll be home, but late."
"Dinner would be great, but it's overtime for me..."
"Yeah, I'm fine, the stress is good for me =)"

And finally...
I started to wonder if i'm getting things right... I went out on a 'date' today... only to realise that I forgot to bring my emotions. Am I really fine? Or have I been neglecting my smile for too long? I've forgotten whom I was; and before I would die physically, the loss of my emotions might be the sole cause for my physical illnesses.

Am I even mentally sane? What have I become? Am I really alright? I can't remember whom I was; I can't remember whom I should be...

They had all advised me upon this issue...
"Be YOURSELF!"

I've always muttered under my breath...
"Who is this myself? Is it someone whom you define me to be? I can't find myself... at all."

***

Goodnight.