I've done something i wouldn't do, but then again, on second thoughts, yea, sometimes i really don't understand why i put my blog address on my msn PM... Anyway.. getting on to the gist of what i want to say and what you may or may not want to read.
It's over, the times of which i waste upon stressing myself out for a future that's what i would dream of; it's finally over. And yet, why do i feel so saddened by the fact that it IS over? No one would comprehend how i'm feeling now... (pardon my lagg.. i've only managed to regain my consciousness today for this particular post.. so i'm more of recounting how i felt after all that devastation)
Well, anyways.. emptiness seeps in when you've got a life without stress.. DAMN, i live on stress, that's why my peers will never understand me, I LIVE ON STRESS!! I THRIVE ON IT!! I've done my best in tying up any loose ends, some of which would include forgetting some people (because people enter and leave our lives as and when they want to, i have no right over that. I only have the right to stay away from those i wish to forget, which is especially easy for me -- an introvert)
But there are some, some of whom i'll never forget. And these very few people hold their places well in my heart (so very few that i can list them all here without much trouble.. shan't state the name, just a description of what i'd like to thank them for.. even though they don't come here to read my blog anymore, haha.. sadly yes, they don't)
To my ex, i realised that i wouldn't call you an ex (surely you won't want to become X-men), cos we only spent 3 days together.. haha.. yea.. I was very happy. I enjoyed every moment with you, even that chatting on the phone for roughly 2 ~ 3hrs? haha.. i kinda forgot.. but i think i remembered correctly. (don't worry, i'm not writing this to send you on some guilt trip.. just my recollections in case i forgot anything.. my memory is failing me) We cliqued really well didn't we? i even spent great effort vetting your notes, making sure that you learnt the right thing, clarifying your doubts at the same time (but ever since we "broke up", you never came to me anymore.. sigh, guess all humans end up that way when they can't face one another..) I shouldn't write too much about you, it brings back fond memories of the breakup in which i don't wish to recall. Ok, i'm done recollecting you.
To my clique (or should i say.. my past clique, since only 1 or 2 bothered about whether i was happy with them or not..) , my best friend was innit, but he sorta chose to be the best friend of someone else (never told him any of my troubles.. never really told anyone, that's fine anyway -- no investment, no loss) So what i lost were actually just a friend or two, at least they were once friends. Speaking of which, i can count my friends using only my left hand!! WOW, amazing.. nevermind, that's just part and parcel of life.. and the fondly defined term of a "friend" merely holds lowly existence in my life.. To me, a friend is someone to trust.. and it's such a pity that i can't really trust anyone around me. (not to say that they cannot be trusted, but just to imply so.)
To those 2 people from the clique who actually cared, you have my gratitude and that i shall always be there if you had a favour to ask for.
To my fellow "sister"/ penpal, i'm glad we met, i'm glad i could trust you, i'm glad we talked. I'm glad you understood how i felt, but you totally didn't understand how much importance it is to keep to your promises. That was your stumbling block.. not my fault. Nothing much to say, so i shall move on..
To the one whom had just adopted Grace, well done in bringing yourself a basket of joy; i'm happy for you. Stay committed, don't stray off.. You must always keep in mind that this is your first dog, and it will never be the last; because you've already fallen into the trap in which your kindness had placed on you... make good use of it. I'm usually locked in my own world.. but somehow you managed to break through that front lock and made your entrance (rather startling for me, i'd say - you were the second one who managed to make such an entrance to my life, a refreshing start which is commendable).
Last but not least.. to the one who's been listening to me all this while.. my tigress (haha.. only i'd call you that, so don't worry about it, whatever i'm saying here, only you'd be able to understand it) I asked you a question that you've yet to answer... you said you needed more time to think.. haha.. but i think the answer should be pretty obvious. Or that's at least my slight guess... you said some people like wordy posts.. (like you).. really, i can't believe someone as lazy and slacker-ish as you would like to spend your time on long-ish posts of my nonsense.. but soon i guess everything will fade with time.. you'll meet new people, others whom are more capable of taking care of you than me (if i did take care of you.. but i think i only cared for you); i'll be forgotten by then (pardon my pessimism, i'm just like that...) because you'd have better things to do...
By having lesser time to spend with you in future... it will certainly hurt our relationship (nono.. i don't mean that, but i mean that - please try to understand what i mean by that and that) and i don't wish for that to happen. But i know i can't keep the tigress bound to the ground. haha.. tigress' are supposed to roam freely.. argh.. what am i saying.. drifting off abit.. I'm actually writing all this because i want to thank those whom have given me joy within these 2 pathetic years in my life.
ok.. nevermind.. i've said too much..
