{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090324

3/24/2009 10:00:00 PM

I thought if I were to get you to hate me, it'd be easier on you... indeed, i guess it was easier for you to forget... not for me though.

I hear your voice; I heard the promises I had made; I see those memories that I've spent with you. How long has it been now? How long have I lingered in this sea of tears?

I regret, but I jolly know well enough, I can't forget... Or am I hallucinating? Why do I keep hearing our conversations? Why do I keep hearing you calling out to me? Why do I remember your eyes? Why? Why is it that I'm still here? Why do I still fear the places that we dated? Why do I speak to the air that floated aimlessly before me? Am I going mad? Am I?

I never dared to take even a glimpse of your profile on Facebook... I no longer dared to even look at the pictures we took together... Yet, I remember you. I wish I could forget those memories... I wish I were perfect...

I wish I could be smiling with you once again. I wish Mr Happy would sleep by my side once more (well.. it ain't on my bed... I left it in a corner... because I feared him..).

I'm striving hard enough, I'm doing my best to keep up with the times, and I am. I'm successful in all my endeavors. Never have I failed. Yet, I've failed to move on. I daren't contact you for fear that I might bring you a frown. I daren't contact you for fear that you might raise a brow in suspicion. My plot to bring you hatred towards me had succeeded, so why should I continue to fret?

Why? Why can't I face the truth that you had left me months ago? Why isn't this bitterness going away? Was my love for you that great? I wish I knew... and somehow... even with this bitterness that emanates from within me... I wish you happiness... I hope, and I really do hope... that you aren't plagued by the memories... I hope.. that my ploy had successfully brought you a new life... while i stay right here to play my role with never-ending devotion.

I wish the clouds would clear off someday... Yet... I do not wish to see the sun's lament. I wish that the clouds would just be blown away... by something.. or someone... I wish I could, and I would.. but I just couldn't... but I still would.

Melancholy... lies dormant in our hearts.