{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090222

2/22/2009 10:03:00 PM

Have I gotten out of that mess that I've created?

Am I lost with whom I am again?

NO... I certainly not know what I want... but I'm certainly sure of the choices for me.

***

Does she still follow this blog of mine?

Am I writing for the sake of her viewership?

Have I lost everything...? She was everything...

What have I done to us...?

What do I intend to do to 'us' if 'us' had just disintegrated itself?

I want answers... I want answers. Everyone would deem me childish... but that's not the point, love IS childish, immature, or whatever one might phrase it to be.

It's been more than a month now; almost that of 2 eternities (eternity = 20 days).

I'm not hopeful, my heart continues to writhe itself in pain, and yet I have to maintain that poise. I have to hide all that misery with a smile that's hung upon a face that isn't mine.

Will she hear me? I'll be there... will she see me? I'll be there... will she remember me?

Or will she... behave the way I've shaped her to be? I daren't regret... I honour my actions. I honour those memories that I had defiled... for the greater good of her life... yet why?

Why do I hang on? Why? If only she could tell me why. If only she could show me why I've stopped in my tracks. Why?

I guess.. I presume... I predict... I assume... I conclude... that she wouldn't be here to read... anymore.

The answer.. to all those why's...

"I still love her."