{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090202

2/02/2009 11:54:00 PM

cont'd from previous entry...

I plucked up my courage to take a peek at my doorstep... I'm afraid... hahaha.. I laugh at my fear..
hahaha.. it came echoing back at me... my fear was laughing at me.

Who am I to judge? Who was I to judge? If I left this person out at my doorstep for too long... would it bind me to misery if I were to lose this opportunity?

Now I would really like to unlock myself... yet I'm so afraid... because I'm still suffering from what you're doing to me now... yes indeed, ignorance is bliss... I could've just bothered no more... Wouldn't that make me a heartless? How would others view me to be? I couldn't just dump you like you had to me... I'm not that cruel... no.. never will I be. Yet... without your help, I had to get reform myself to face the ever intimidating world. You promised to be there for me... where are you now?

***

I reached for that one key that hung above my desk with much hesitation.. Should I?

***

It's time I stopped using those keys... I'm not gonna remain in this world of mine till I'm done with the world out there. Being in my world.. meant accepting and entertaining guests... guests like you... you.. you.. and you... For 3 times.. I have met and entertained.. guests like you. I've made the same mistake thrice, I'm not gonna lose another time.

You won't find me there, even if you might read... Don't miss me. don't.. EVER miss me. You've made it really clear last night...

'it's not the same anymore.'

It broke my heart, but no... I shall not accept anymore of your nonsense... until you learn how to treat me with respect when I spoke to you with respect. Perhaps you've been plotting behind me all this while... to do this to me, now that you've succeeded -- congratulations.

I confessed that I still miss you, but it won't.. last long, not after today... I'll get used to it... I'll get used to the harshness that you've shown me. I'll get used to everything. You needn't worry. Just worry for yourself. Someday... when you're done drifting, you may meet me again... don't regret then.. please.. don't.. ever regret...

Because.. today is the day... where I've finally completed the equation for the both of us.

***

New beginnings shall ensue... I'm sure this new outsider will show me that the rays at dusk aren't that mellow and depressing after all. I want to be the second person to smile as the rays would wash past our cheeks in our admiration towards the incoming dusk.

Tarot : Death = For every end, there's always a new beginning that's round the bend up ahead, never fret... ever.