{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090124

1/24/2009 12:22:00 AM

Recovered... recovered.. As always... as I'd always write --

My determination to repristinate..
My longing for repristination...
My emotions for achieving it.

Yet... I have none.
Much happened this week... I felt nothing.
Much happened last week (as I read my entries...)... I felt nothing.. again..
Stress starts to build up... I feel nothing...
I continued to fire away with those 'lame' issues... others laughed when they caught it... I felt nothing..

For once... I have stopped...
For twice... I have stopped searching...
For thrice... I had squirmed back to life with this state of mind...

I don't feel anything...
No yearning for friends...
No pining for love...
No laughter, no grief...
No love, no hatred...

Plain wretchedness towards myself.
Blames, faults... I'm the accused.
I feel and felt nothing...
AT ALL.

None I wrote could seem up to my standards...
None I spoke revealed my soul.
Painless, lifeless... I've achieved my goal.
Regret? There are no regrets...

It's numbers... my mind is now filled with numbers...

numbers...

97 96 15955 722 (12)175;
9 1(13) 679(12)(12) 8555

(13)1(12)25 97 96 127 (13)5 7817 (12)28 155 55655917 72

1 A N
2 B O
3 C P
4 D Q
5 E R
6 F S
7 G T
8 H U
9 I V
(10) J W
(11) K X
(12) L Y
(13) M Z

and... the 2nd level of understanding would be sums. followed by differences... then products.. and quotients...

sums... i don't like differences..
products go too fast...
quotients.. might end up lesser than differences..

***

Or should I follow a different system? say.. the traditional one -- The Pythagorean number values?

1 A J S
2 B K T
3 C L U
4 D M V
5 E N W
6 F O X
7 G P Y
8 H Q Z
9 I R

I'll stick to this... for future messages. Gonna come up with a script to encrypt my words soon enough... it's not safe...

Yet.. a very interesting research topic to touch on... encryption...
Then.. to greater heights.. randomized encryption keys.. to prevent others like me.. interesting..