{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090114

1/14/2009 08:06:00 AM

Quietus of Sillyboy

I awoke in the middle of the night, only to see you sitting in a corner, and crying.
I asked out of concern... you insisted on keeping silent.
I pressed on further... all because I loved you and I couldn't bear to see you suffering in silence...
I solved your confusion... and had you to decide on what's best for you.
I held your left hand... and placed gently; a fruit knife on your palm.
I admired your eyes with ease... you frowned and cried harder..

I said, 'Just do it, before the painkiller wears off...' I tried to smile.
You replied a simple 'no'.. followed yet again by silence...

I aided you into gripping the fruit knife.. and have it pointed at my heart.
'Just do it... before it's too late.'
You shook your head, eyes unable to look into mine.

Without hesitance, I held your left hand with both of mine...
Without hesitance, I thrust it into my heart...
Without hesitance, I must end your suffering...
Without hesitance, I have proven my love for you to be thus deep.

Squelch, wheeze... the physical me seems struggling to survive...
Squelch, wheeze... and I feel no pain at all...
Pain... I must've loved you too much.. so very much...
Pain... seems redundant... in my love for you.

The fruit knife stuck onto my chest, I staggered...
The fruit knife stuck onto my chest, you were startled.
I looked deeply into your eyes, merely trying to tell you that it's alright.
I looked deeply into your eyes... merely telling you that you've done nothing wrong...
Squelch, wheeze... Squelch, wheeze... breathing gets harder now...
Squelch, wheeze... Squelch, wheeze... am I dead yet?
Even apples cry... am I dead yet?

The chains that bind me to you remain cold and clammy.
The chains that bind me to you remain sturdy and lifeless.
You asked if I wanted to be unchained...
I asked if you wanted that to happen...
We both know... we weren't just lovers to begin with.

You softened your grip on the fruit knife, I continued to hold.
With the least effort in place, I pulled it off my chest and stabbed again.
With another yank, I stabbed harder.
I felt nothing... we still continued to love one another.
I feared everything... yet I still continued to love you.

I have forced you to kill me... you continued to cry...
I told you never to regret... for I've been a lifeless doll to begin with...
A lifeless doll I've been; A lifeless doll that knew how to cry.
My heart existed for you... for a love... that's now lost in the mist.

***

Someday... you might love me once more... I told you I'd never want to lose you again, yet it happened... you've decided to leave me and I had let you do so... do I suffer? Which do you want to hear? The politically correct? Or what my heart truly meant?

Someday... I might lose all my emotions... Will you ever resurrect them? Whom shall I be then? Whom should I be now? Who am I? I've lost my will... and am clinging on to that last bit of essence that would allow me to linger in this world.. for hopes that you might return...

I love you... nothing has ended... because I still love you.

***

Changed the song... lyrics as given below..

讓 -- 楊宗緯

多想要找到一絲掙扎在妳臉上
可是妳美得冷得淡得像月亮
等著妳的那輛車燈閃一下
像催妳草草斷了我們的過往

約好要每年回到初擁吻的地方
劃一個記號寫下相戀的感想
等明年我剩一個人坐在堤防
該唱首什麼歌來紀念愛的傻

讓你逃亡又讓你回航
讓你依賴我也讓你倔強
只要你微笑帶一點感動的淚光
我就得到可以再給的力量

我讓你飛翔又讓你說謊
我讓你苛求我也讓你奢望
我還以為愛就是要體貼的退讓
我們一起蓋的羅馬妳卻跟他拆了城牆
踩過我用摯愛建築的天堂

太絕對的愛變成了活該　朋友要我責怪　
我卻只想重來　也許這就叫愛

多少日子蓋的羅馬
妳用一夜拆了城牆
踩碎我曾讓妳棲息的胸膛

***