{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20090125

1/25/2009 11:33:00 PM

As melancholic as I've always been... As emotional as I should try to be... I've re-visited a few other memories today... it hurts... why did it have to end in the first place?

The quayside at VivoCity... where most of our memories still breathed of joy as we embraced one another to watch yet.. another sunset...

The footpath down orchard road where we first met... and of course, not forgetting Ngee Ann City... where we first took our baby steps to get to know each other. I was as usual... doing my routine book-hunting, when we first met...

And yet today... I've only wanted to avoid those places that we've been to, knowing that I'd see the both of us together in my memories.

You should not be reading this. You should and must not know that I'm still.. here.. going against my words. I can't honour those words at all... I can't let go... of those.. memories.

Can't let go of those dreams that I've sculpted for the both of us.
Can't let go of you speaking to me in silence with just your eyes.
Can't let go... I just can't... those emotions, it was as though... it were only yesterday that we'd just parted...

It's been more than 10 days now -- about the same amount as back then when I was away in Brunei... Could I bear to hurt you? Yes, only if you requested me to do so. I had to... to hurt you now rather than to let you brew it yourself in future.

Right now... are you bored?
Do you feel empty?
Are you well?
How have you been?
Were you hurting yourself as much?

If only... if only we'd just be honest to one another... or perhaps.. I'm merely guessing things to appear as what I'd desire.

Positive thinking might just end up as only that of being wishful... tell me... was it and is it still wishful thinking on my part that we can get back together?

If love were logical... then I'd be by your side right now... but it's not. it's not...
Facts are facts... I'm crying over spilt milk... yet I'm stubborn enough to try soaking up all that spilt milk (ok.. lactose intolerant.. let's change it to erm... spilt {fruit} punch)...

Just to distill it and purify it... to repristinate what we are today, hence reversing the tragedy that has occurred... or would you rather I hadn't done so?

I'm so in love with this lady whom I'm talking about. and that's none other than you (if you'd still be reading..)

Nothing, carry on with life... I'm merely ranting in honesty... I've told many lies, too many... so that you could be happy without me. I'm sorry... I really am...

Wonder if you understood those figures in my email to you as well... but not much hope for it, I have not indeed. There no such thing as too late for anything... always remember... it's always better late.. than never at all. Because I still love you.

Oh.. and happy lunar new year to you and everyone else as well...