{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20080126

1/26/2008 07:15:00 PM

Life was hectic for the past 2 weeks.. Apart from the consoling phone calls that i've made to my family and sunsun, I did my best to backup my emotions into my long-term memory; hoping that they would only show themselves to those i cherish.

My superior drilled this into our minds:

"Tough times don't last, but tough men do."

And that's where it all began -- the countdown to return home and meet my cherished folks. I was loved. I held an important place in their hearts (including the one whom i've only met recently.. you should know that it is you that i'm talking about.)

I'm currently not in the pink (ok.. don't go all crazy when you see this word just because i made it pink in colour..) of health due to insufficient hydration during training.. But not to worry, I'll be fine. And.. i'm really lost for words currently.. terribly lost.. because many things are flashing past my mind currently, and i just can't get a good grasp at things. I worry too much about certain things, and i'm just made to work that way.

I'm feeling rather drowsy now due the medication that i've consumed.. it's time i returned to my nest a short rest.. (cool.. it rhymes..)

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2230 hrs -- Calamity

Something went wrong.. and wrong meant that it wasn't right. Something came and dishevelled my logical thinking.. (thankfully it was reclaimed when i shut that door behind me..). How i felt? I'll tell you.. totally lost.. What actually seemed warm wasn't really warm.. and what actually seemed cold remained cold.. I was melted and solidified to a chunk of semi-liquid (just like what wax figurines would become if you'd melt them and cool them when they're done melting)..

Deformed.. gah.. this feeling is absurd. Totally unexpected; confidence levels and morale plunged to the depths... I knew something was wrong.. and i knew whom the trigger was. But i maintained my cool.. I had to.. because.. i just had to.

i'd have much more to say.. but i know this will be read, so i shan't tarnish this day anymore with my rantings..
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Sunsun requested that i took the test if i had time.. and here are my results.. exactly how i'm feeling right now..

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).
At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

interesting.. and i'd say that my colours would change everyday as well..