{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20071210

12/10/2007 10:06:00 PM

Apparently, i got better, so this post is only a mere fragment of my memory at that instant. Please do not mind too much, as it's only a fragment, a shard of the past. I haven't edited anything, so feel free to read what i wrote. And that should be all..

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Tigress was there.. she was there.. but i was busy.. i was busy all the time.. And soon, i'll have less than enough time with her.. or.. is she avoiding me? It's starting to react, I'm starting to petrify myself.. Why this?

I don't want to return to whom i was. I don't want to lose everything again.. I don't want to be cruel and cold-blooded.. I'm doing my best to fight this.. so that i can still remain me.. but he's too strong for me to resist..

Distractions are useless.. i'm half-gone.. half petrified.. After tonight's sleep, i really wonder if i'm still me.. or was it yesterday? Please.. i hardly beg people to save me.. this will be once in a long while.. I want to be saved from him.. I'm starting to talk like him.. i wonder how long can i keep my heart safe from his grasp..

But of course, he may still have the basic etiquettes, manners, and kindness towards lesser lifeforms.. but it'll no longer be the same way for humans.. Please, don't let me be reaped by him.. I love her, he doesn't.. I know how to love, he doesn't.. I'm human, but he isn't (or at least he thinks he isn't).. So please..

***

Perhaps this dinner will be the final one with me being dominant.. Thank you, you really made my day today, even though i made you walk around in circles endlessly, you never complained or fussed about it.. Please, find someone who'll treat you well and stay happy. And if you do remember me, please do not talk to him for i'd fear he might hurt you.. (I don't mean him.. but me.. the other me = him).

***

I'm tired.. it's time.. and.. hopefully, i'll find a way to neutralize him once more (like back then.. when i started liking my tigress..) and i'd say i won't.. unless my tigress would.. I'm dejected.. hurt.. wounded.. by my own hands.. they're both stained with my own blood of existence.. I should be dead.. but i still like her.. maybe my feelings for my tigress would pull me through.. since my tears would after all.. bring back all those happy memories..

"Flashbacks work wonders... and so do those tears of relinquished emotions."

I miss her badly.. i hope he would too..