{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20071215

12/15/2007 09:58:00 PM

I have many things to say today.. or rather now, as in.. i'm currently editing this post at 0220 hrs of tomorrow. So i'm rather fatigued now that it's so early yet so late.. But that'll be fine, because i want to say what i need to say.

I may be flawed, I may be imperfect -- no matter how much i try to be perfect, even some would say that i was so close to being perfect -- no matter how i long for perfection.. no matter how much it took me -- i'm still flawed (in some ways.. i just can't be perfect..)

I've caused much trouble to the one around me, and i'm so guilty for that. Seeking help from someone who doesn't really know me that well was a wrong move, i shouldn't have burdened that person.. So here i am, to tell you that i'm really sorry.. I don't know if you'd be reading all this, but everything i type here would represent what i'd really like to say from the bottom of my heart, and that i really mean it. I'd call you a few hours later to explain, but otherwise, I'm sorry for everything.. Our meeting on monday isn't cancelled, I just thought i was not alright and that i do not wish to let you see me in this state. Perhaps it was my miscalculation.. I managed to recover myself from whatever that was bugging me. Thank you for being there all along, i really appreciate it, even though i do not wish to rely too much on you (because you have your own troubles to cope with..)

That's one really long paragraph...

And tigress, I never ever wanted to burden you with my problems.. And i never will even if you want me to.. because it will take away your smile.. and i can't have that. If your happiness were to be stolen, I'd lose an important source of existence to be on this planet. If in any case you might feel troubled, my whole world would follow suit. I know you wouldn't want me to be so affected by you (but seriously, you never really brought me any troubles.. all i got from you were mostly happy memories and perhaps some of that monotone.. LOL). I can tell you "I like you" everyday, because that's how i feel. And i know that no matter how much i'd suppress my emotions due to my surroundings, my feelings towards you remain so realistic.. I suddenly realised after much thought during my recovery today.. but i shan't say it here.. So that you can get curious of what i was enlightened with. *chuckle*

That's another longer paragraph compared to that really long paragraph above above above..

I'm tired.. I was supposed to discuss about the reason to keep a blog, as requested by some of my readers.. for fame or privacy.. But I'M REALLY TIRED... Although it does seem as though a rather light-hearted tone flows within this post.. which isn't whom i am actually, or is it? Hah.. i wonder...