{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20070126

1/26/2007 11:11:00 PM

Yes.. i changed the song again.. this song is by Lin Jun Jie. It's a rather umm... "old" song. so yeah. However, the lyrics are really great, but i shan't supply them here now... it'd be rather umm.. troublesome.. haha

Anyway, there is something to ponder about... i got this from a friend. Here it goes:
"Have you ever met someone and knew right away that he or she is gonna be important to you?"

It might seem like a simple sentence... but if there's at least that little trace of effort to set the mind to ponder about this short question... it may not seem as shallow as it might had been. Always view life from different angles... you'll be able to see everything clearly... with that there'll be no doubts that would shroud your route to success.

I really wish to know... but i daren't put my heart into it. My curiosity is killing me... at a really slow rate... it's killing my intelligence... i have to stop it somehow. If i play a waiting game and allow nature to take it's course, i might lose my motivation. If i start anything without any planning, it'd be somewhat like attacking a walled-city without any strategy. What am i to do?

I'm happy to have known someone like her, but... it's also somehow affecting me indirectly. Sometimes i lose my cool... and get overly concerned... which is not part of my strategy. Sometimes i get a little to cold and harsh... and i might hurt her feelings and shoo her away from me... It's really a battle of wits, a guessing game that has just begun...

I can't back down. I wonder what she meant when she said that. No.. i shouldn't be affected by such small changes. I should look at the big picture and start to plan my future moves. At the same time, i'd have to concentrate on my studies. I have to continue to be as competent as before, so that i would never ever have to lose my social status in the future. I wish to achieve, i wish to be in the profession of my choice.

But at the same time, i think i might have fallen for her... and yet, i'm still unable to decide if i should commit. I'm really at a loss on what to do next. This exactly depicts a chess game with my pieces arranged in a deadlock manner... Whatever move that i might make, i'd lose that piece. There is only 1 option for now... but i'm unsure if i should move that piece... cos if i moved it, i'd lose her (somehow... and i can't have that... but life's like that... you lose some, you gain some... that's why i'm at a loss...).

Argh... whatever, i need to focus... i'll be seeing her on sunday if all goes well... so.. i really hope that i can complete all my work by then. In fact, i should be completing all my work. Yeah... I hate myself for being affected by emotions. I hate it when it happens... why did she have to put that statement for me to read... why did she have to be so nice? Why... but i'm happy right?

Remember what i said in my previous post? This must be a judgment in which i passed upon myself that time... I said i'd rather exchange my material happiness for something that's immaterial... and now i have it... EXCHANGED.. haha.. gosh... there's really someone listening to my wishes... or rather, my words of justice.

Sigh... i want to study, yet i'd also like to be with her... is there anyway that these two things can co-exist in the same plane? Why do i have to swing from side to side just to adapt? Why can't i just remain in the middle? But of course, that'd be leading a monotonous life... and i won't want that... Sigh... I shall study when dawn breaks tomorrow... for now... i should just lie on my bed to get some well-deserved rest...