I'm glad... just glad. For the first time in my lowly life... a homo sapien of the opposite gender has complimented me twice. Perhaps... perhaps i'm starting to trust them again... perhaps i'm opening that great wooden door slightly... or perhaps i actually had that door latched; No one would be able to come in, but i'd still be able to communicate and interact with the world on the other side of those doors.
That's just the best policy currently now, ain't it? I won't get hurt because i don't invest too much, neither do i hurt others by shoving them off with a cold shoulder. This is the middle path dad was talking about? Nah... it isn't. There is a middle path, but i'm not all there yet... and i won't want to be there, cos if i ever were, i'd not be me anymore. I would be unable to retain this ever unique personality of mine... Do i love myself? I would say... yes and no... Yes is because i care about my future... and i want a good life for my loved ones. No is because i want my loved ones to be happy when i have a bright future... when i sacrifice everything, for whatever happiness there is.
No.. i'm not gonna pass any judgment at this point in time... because i finally saw the warmth that an individual homo sapien was able to provide me with, and i won't ever let it go... Cos, i'm happy, and i'm sure that no one would want to let go of one's happiness... It is, however, a true fact, that i still have not stopped my hatred towards humans. They are mostly... sigh... and i'm one too... I, too, am a coward... I'm timid... I fear the punishment that'd befall upon me thru the passing of judgments.
Sigh... and now... I feel as if i'm connected to this fella... and i don't wanna let it go. But i'm still unable to forgive what the humans have done in the past... those wretched beings who forsaken me. hahahaaha... they'd be lucky that i do not have godly powers... Oh well.. sigh...
Thank goodness i'm a rather optimistic fella... cos i really wish to banish the hatred i have in my heart... I want to create some material space for the warmth to surface. I do not wish to be burdened by my hatred... I really wish that i can forgive them...
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Sigh... And of course, i had perhaps... one of the happiest times in my life today... We chatted... yes, we really did. And i bought a pack of strepsils for her. haha.. what a laugh! Nope, i wouldn't say that it was our first date... cos.. we aren't even all there yet... but yes, we are definitely friends. Really hope that she would recover from her sore throat soon... then she'd able to chat with me over the phone (although i dun really chat over the phone... cos i find myself at a loss for words... SIGH... i'm such a failure)
Wanton mee... it was great! ahhaha... and the atmosphere around the two of us was rather lame too.. cos we were firing cold jokes at one another at almost every juncture... after the meal, we went for a walk... and erm... window shopped a bit... haha... Then she asked what would i do if she fell from the escalator... I was at a loss for words...I knew i shouldn't say anything that was meant for a boyfriend... but i dunno...I wanted to say that i'd try my best to save her... or rather, i'd protect her... but... it's just so hard to say it... cos we aren't officially together yet.... SIGH...
I really wish that we could be together, but i'm playing a really slow game... So i should stop being so... hmm.. nvm. I don't wish to rush into things. She still has a boyfriend, i cannot just step into her life and end up as a third party... that's not very nice. We'll see what happens in the near future... We'll really see... i really want to see what it would be like for the two of us to be together. Really... Cos she knows... that she's existent in my heart... and that i know, that i'm also existent in her heart... haha (fat hope... but well, who cares... no one reads this anyway.. hahah)
Now... haha... this is really a great feat by me.. All i did was share a song with her... + the lyrics. and i said that that was my wish for her. (she gave me a wish... and yea, i'd rather not wish for her to be my partner and wished for her to be ok.) And i'm really glad i did so... cos she told me that she was kinda touched... I'm really glad glad glad... HAHA
I have my motivation now... I want to achieve as much as i can every week in school. Such that, my future would be secured... and i'd be able to take care of her. oh well.. I think i'm dreaming too far into the future... hahahah...
