{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061206

12/06/2006 07:55:00 PM

So i took the risk today... I thought that by meeting them today would make me happy, and i was right, but only to a certain extent...

I'm unsure of what i should say here... Perhaps Gemini's do tend to seek more attention after they've acquired it, and perhaps they do get disappointed when they aren't able to get any more of it... but nah, it's nothing... Perhaps it's just me, perhaps it was because i took the risk... and have failed to follow instructions. Perhaps i was too sensitive towards everything... yea.. i should just care less and act blur.

The weather amplified those emotions... I said nothing, just kept really quiet... for i feared that i might say something hurtful in a time like this. Argh.. what was i thinking... I should stop thinking... but i hear my speech in my head... that frustration... i was fighting back... to regain myself, at least... Am i possessive? Thou shall never be! I'm not like him! I'll never be like him even though his blood runs in my veins. NEVER!!

GAH!! Shouldn't have risked it...
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I'm alright now... it's taking effect gradually. As long as i'm alone... i'll be safe from the thoughts of having someone by my side. I'll be safe from being inexistent... I'll be so safe in my own world... I don't wanna judge humans anymore... for if i continued to do so... I'd end up in a lunatic ward... Stop thinking. Just stop. Stop right here.
I want the old me back... i want my unfeeling soul to return.
I want to live in a world of black and white... I want to be the acceptor!!
I want to reciprocate but not initiate!!
I want to be strong!
I want to be someone who'd be unaffected by the surrounding people, be it for better or worse...

"I want to be me..."
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Really thanks for that meal today, i feel kind of bad to be a sort of "burden" to you... so, please if in anyway you might need something in future or whatever that i can do to compensate.... please please please tell me. I'll always be there if you need my help. Yeap, so thanks once again... Thank you so much.

Better start studying... can't afford to waste anymore time.