{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061202

12/02/2006 09:23:00 PM

I'm already doing the best of what this current me now can do for the family... if it's being stretched any further, i might have to destroy this current me you know and create a new one... The status effects incurred by creating a new personality... still remains to be an unknown, just like in any mathematical equation. So... is that really what they want? If it is... then, there'll be no guarantee that i can create something better. It might also end up as another failed experiment. So, do you want me to remain this way so that i can remain safe and unharmed? Which is more important?
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"That's the final straw for you? So.. you're just trying to be an acceptor?"

"Jackpot!"

"Is there any feasible way that'll maintain the harmony? And at the same time, to give you, or rather, the both of us joy at the same time?"

"Nope, you feel, i think. So, you are the one who is going to benefit by keeping this personality, whereas i'll be the one doing my best to pave the way ahead, to ensure that this personality will remain stable... Hard work..."

"Will keigo work out well? but the thing is, even by using keigo to minimise conflicts, they still seem to arise outta nowhere... That'll cancel the joy out..."

"I'll be working on the keigo part. You just remember to stop being so emotional and.. er.. do something to stop the 'D' guy from surfacing... perhaps do some singing or jamming on guitar... or whatever... dun want him to destroy you again for some stupid reason..."

"Yeah, will do that if nothing happens in between. Thanks..."
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This is a short conversation between the Irrational and the Realist... tch.. do i sound mad? Some might think of it that way...

I remember i said something that day...

"Those who already have something of at the very least.. a minimal value should compare with those who do not even have it. They will feel that they're more fortunate that way."
"Those who achieved results by using their resources, they should compare their results with those who are much better off. This will spur them on further... to achieve greater goals and to scale greater heights."

I guess they did not understand what i mean. Look, i'm not a "result", instead, i'm that item of minimal value that should be used in comparison with someone who does not even have the fortune to have me. Whereas in my case, I should, myself, view myself as the result... and thus, i should be comparing with those better off than me and not those worse off than me (WHICH I AM DOING SO IF YOU GUYS DIDN'T KNOW).

Yup.. i know, i'm still rather fume-ish, but really, perhaps... my personality has finally stabilised and that i'm so afraid to lose it again. I'm down on my knees to beg all of you out there who knows me, don't make me destroy my current "me"... you won't want me to return to a state of instability... I still kinda recall those days in which i wielded my sword wildly... hurting everyone around me... You won't want me like that, do you?