{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061230

12/30/2006 11:43:00 PM

"If there is something that one really wished to do, even if one knows one might not be capable of producing the best results, one should still be persistent to pursue his or her dreams; One might never know the outcome till he or she had been through the actual situation."

Sigh.. I wonder what's wrong... It seems frightening to even think about it. It's because of the optimistic presence in that statement in which i followed that brought me much misery. Should i even believe in that again?

Thus, i changed the song that playing on my blog to this one here.. hmm, the lyrics really, well i dunno, somehow, it just described my emotions. Yep, just the way it is. But of course, i'm no longer bothered about the past. Why bother about the past and the future when the present is the most beautiful of all? Why bother if you were to die today or the day after? Why not live each day with joy? I'm doing that, or at least, i'm trying my best to do so. Be it through my laughter, my sarcasm, my umm.. whatever.

I don't know what i want to say here... I'm confused, I'm lost... I wished that i could just walk, just keep walking, and thinking. I don't know what's going on with me, getting emotional and all. It's perhaps a consequence of keeping the shield up for too long a time. I'm exhausted, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I don't wish to fight within myself anymore. So i decided to let him win.

No, it's not that i'm not contented with what i already have.. it's just that... I mean, I just fear that i might fall into another trap... Sometimes when you know that you have everything you need and you're happy with them... there might just be some troublemaker who would try to spoil it. I'm unsure if i am the troublemaker or whatever... but, i wish to seek something that might lead me to being or perhaps, finding a troublemaker... SIGH.. what should i do? Should i seek something which has equal possibilities of bringing both happiness and sadness?

Haha.. I'm such a fool...