{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061220

12/20/2006 11:11:00 PM

I was inspired by loneliness.. that's how the story of existence came about... although it's far from complete.. i can actually see how the entire story will end... The e-publishing of the novel will be postponed till further notice... so if you wish to keep track of every single chapter i wrote, i'd suggest you copy and paste chapters somewhere (MSWord or something..)

I understand that no one should be the centre of anyone's universe... but am i indirectly setting others to think that i'm dying for attention? if that's the case, then i guess you guys dun know me well enough and i shan't even be bothered about it. But somehow, you guys mean something to me, that's why i'm determined to give chances... I dunno.. i dunno what's going on now... What's wrong with everyone... is it because of a certain pact i made indirectly with whatever higher being there was that fateful day?

I still recall... "May this world be cleansed of all those who are unpure, may judgement be served, may my will be done. And for such great judgement to be passed, my EXISTENCE shall be it's sacrifice!!"

So.. it's all linked now... I vowed to sacrifice my existence in order to meet people whom are worthy of being humans... yet i overlooked the side effects... tch.. here i am... powerless, without even a trace of existence... it was as if my name was completely removed from the history books... sigh.. how wonderful...

I'm lost... someone please help me... help me regain my existence... i found it during the china trip.. and now i lost it because of the law of equivalence. Is it fair? tch... the more i weigh the several logics that revolve around this situation.. the more i find it to be fair.. should i just stop being childish here? should i just murder his soul again?

The more i create, the more i destroy. I've been re-creating my own personality for countless times this year... and yet... yet there'll always be something up ahead that'll cause me to destroy that inner self... Perhaps i'm reaching my transition period again...

FYI, a transition period is when an organism has only it's biological matter that lives on... meaning, it does not have a soul and it might lose it's ability to survive if the soul fails to be recreated...

Sigh.. i'm lacking of energy to start on another homonculus to patch up this wounded soul.. destroying it and re-using that energy scrapped from it would be a rather feasible choice... But it'll definitely produce a random result... should i make that sacrifice? or should i live on enduring such... torment...

I want people to be in my life, to care for me, to understand me, to accept me the way i am... (oh.. but who am i in the first place... haha.. i do not know...)

maybe it's time that i should continue with my regular... hmm.. haha.. nothing. anyway.. i hope that i'm not misunderstood... i really love the company of both of you. But maybe it's just me... maybe i'm just too sensitive... maybe.. maybe i'm just adultish (childish would seem rather weird to the little prince...)

Oh.. and i completed my work and stuffs already... sent to the person to collate, unless you want my version of it, i'd gladly send it over to you. Once again... i'm sorry.. it's my fault... whatever it is.. just blame it on me, i dun mind...