{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061201

12/01/2006 06:40:00 PM

I just did another self-evaluation... this time... I discovered that i actually changed my personality 6 times for just the duration of this one year in PJC... The reason why i went into such deep thought.. because someone asked me if i had split personality... and also because my mom (yes, i'm bold enough to write it) said that i changed a lot, to someone she didn't know anymore. (whatever)

Ok.. here goes my evaluation...
1st change: PAE -- More or less a happy person... where all my personalities are balanced.

2nd change: JAE -- Emotional... Don't wish to study, still playful, but not as happy. Just plain normal...

3rd change: Before Council Elections -- Ambitious, Heartless person. Ruled by the brain. Speech was my weapon, to attack and to defend...

4th change: After Joining Council -- Slackened a little, didn't open up. Introverted, hated humans more than ever. (The only reason why i was in there then... was for that freaking line in the testimonial...)

5th change: After liking someone i shouldn't have -- Shattered... Emotional, depressed. Grown even more introverted. Unable to return to my "original" state. Saddening to see myself in such a state, but whatever, it's over.

6th change: After China Trip -- Found joy in knowing others... Finally could smile a little. Relationship with family worsens further... Finally opened up a little more, less introverted. Happy... Just happy, and i don't wanna let it go.
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I once said before...

"Those who want to prove, will never prove because their heart isn't there... Those who do not wish to prove, will reach their goals because... they know they can."

I have my reasons for stating this here... Those who know, figure it out yourself. Those who do not know, remain that way. Knowledge can kill at times, knowing to much is akin to have a reaper to follow you wherever you go... Just remember, the lesser you know, the safer you are from whatever danger that might lurk in the shadows... Yeap..
Anyways... Some of you might not have figured out the answer for a question i posted earlier...
"Who are you when you are not?"

Ans: I am who i am, not what others see me as.

Simple as it can be... The execution of this is literally one of the hardest things in life. Some of us... may have not even found who we really are, even me... LOL, imagine that i'd switched personalities like WHATEVER for this entire year... (but who cares anyway, it's not anyone else's business... it's my own..) Well, but at least i know what is going on with my character... some of them do not even know... some of them don't even wish to reflect upon themselves... and some... some even reflected in the wrong direction. Yea, everyone, just think... think about who you are. That's all, that's all everyone on this world should do. Once they know who they are, they'll eventually find out their own destiny. I'm still looking for my most stable characteristic... Searching... haha.. i believe some people call this ... Soul searching? LOL.. that's a joke, ignore it if it's cold.
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Right now... I'm just singing my sorrows away... Nothing else.. how unproductive. Yea.. the current me wishes to maximise productivity in whatever i do. But now.. perhaps i'm only trying my best to memorise the lyrics of this song.. haha...

hmm.. and also... i dunno... but who cares about what i'm thinking anyway. it doesn't matter as long as i keep this shield of "keigo" up and running. Well, it does work well in preventing any conflicts. haha.. gah.. can't type anymore.. something's wrong with my hands... kk, gtg, sigh.. think through what i've said.

To my student: Take care and rmb to do my homework i gave!! Oh.. and dun overstress like me.. haha..