{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061115

11/15/2006 08:13:00 PM

Somehow.. somewhere deep in the 4th dimension... my memories... and hers... perhaps we did meet one another there... and perhaps.. we did forge a bond that the 3rd dimension could not see... but.. then again, i guess, it was all because of one single person in the 3rd dimension.. who destroyed everything. That's me.

We were.. we weren't and.. we'll never be. Even if i open my heart to feel now... i can't feel her warmth, even though i'm still.. so devoted... nah.. all good things come to an end... even those long lasting relationships. If you want proof on this matter, i can show you the proof. If you manage to stumble across one of World Scientific's books, something about dimensions and such... you'll realise that, those in the 3rd dimension will perish while the 4th would remain in eternity until they promote to the 5th. So what i'm driving at here.. is that we as humans, will die one day, and the memories that once lived with us.. they will never die.

You might ask why.. The reason why we die is because we are made up of matter. However, memories don't die... as they are formed with fragments of time. It was written in that book that... the 3rd dimension is where matter exists; 4th is where time fills the arena; 5th is space. So... memories are created because time was spent in our lives as an exchange for them to live on.

What if... our memories are to be taken away... The matter in this body will disintegrate. Reason being, the time we invested is actually our entire lives... so if that amount of time is taken away, it's akin to killing ourselves... Get it? Take some time to digest.
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The good and the evil... bad memories last forever and they tend to cover up the good ones. Good memories tend to last for only a short period of time. Why is it so? I'm curious and at the same time.. i just can't seem to figure out.. why is the human brain so particular about such issues...

Good memories tend to start chain reactions to create more good memories.. this will ensure that the chain of good memories will not disappear due to their short lifespan.. but all it takes.. is just one bad memory. Imagine, the good memories are like the words written on a whiteboard by a marker, whereas that bad memory is that whiteboard duster that wipes off the trail of good memories..

Would you want that duster to be at that scene? I'm sure that you would want the marker to carry on writing.. but you know.. there are some things in life that can never be controlled. Why do some people choose to be the duster? If only this world had more markers and less dusters.. (but it's a theoretical fact that there are more markers on sale in bookstores than dusters!!). Every time when the duster takes action, another marker will be converted into a duster, with the sole reason of trying to protect oneself from having more memories to be erased..

Sigh.. i want to be the marker... i want to continue to create good memories. I want to be optimistic.. but somehow.. the way she treats me and whatever.. it's like having a duster that's hot on the marker's heels... If only it returned to normal.. if only we both held markers and not dusters.. perhaps, things wouldn't have became so sour for the two of us. sigh.. even though she said that it was back to normal.. it still kinda seemed like she was holding a duster in the guise of a marker.. tch.. but i can't do anything rite? i can't talk about such stuff anyway.. i shan't let it affect my effectiveness in being their tutor.. somehow.. deep inside my shattered heart.. perhaps i just yearned for better treatment from her.. or rather.. everyone else. With that, i can really stop my endless oscillations...