{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061104

11/04/2006 03:00:00 PM

Sigh... another lonely weekend to pull through.. but i'm not gonna wite the reason, neither am i here to complain. I used to have someone, now i don't. I don't feel happy nor sad... but i do feel lonely. In this ruddy world of mine.. I seemed to have lost interest in games... Studies are my thing, but.. just not in the mood for it. Anime? episode 5 of Death note isn't uploaded yet... What a weekend... Totally nothing to do..

I would visit the park if we didn't that time... Now i fear the park. haha.. Really.. everyone's so absorbed with their own lives. Whereas here i am.. available for people to bother, today... and no one's there... So.. i deserved it... no complaints..

At times of such overwhelming loneliness, it's only natural to think fo what to do next... but my mind is totally blank. is there absolutely anything to do? One of my friends invited me to their church today... but i rejected it, cos my mom said she wanted to watch death note with me.. look what's happening now.. haha.. whatever... I'm not mad at her... it's not within her control either... it doesn't matter whether i'm disappointed or not.. but i do hope that she is well. I'm immune to my own emotions already. The irrational... every single part of me is ignoring him... and he will die slowly in silence and solitude.

But i never got tired of thinking.. My mind would come up with strange new ideas on what to do next... then i would follow that routine.

Perhaps it's because my life is such a bore.. that's why it resulted in me being a boring person... On the surface.. it might seem that i have a hell lot of freedom... but deep inside, i'm bound to some things that i can never leave alone. Huge responsibilities..

So what can i do now? live alone... that's the best.. it's actually because of constant erosion by others that led me to become like that. Too much harm done, i can't say much. It's just too bad that you guys had to know me for who i am today. People didn't cherish me in the past, people don't cherish me now either... and in the future.. most likely.. i won't be cherished either.. haha.. how pessimistic. Well.. that's all i have to say. It's just too bad for all of you. And i apologise on behalf of my character.

PSI is a little high today.. hope she takes care of herself.