{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061106

11/06/2006 02:06:00 PM

The more i read my own posts... The more i realised how stupid humans can get. You see.. I exist in the present.. but yet i live in the past. That is just an act of pure stupidity. That is a good example of a pathetic human. And i'm that example.

After all these obstacles i faced in my life... I supposed i was being enlightened in what most people might term as the "wrong way". I've started to hate humans, for all their wrongdoings. I've started to see myself as a higher being. I may be stained... just like the glasses of those grand churches. But once again, I shall make them as clear as diamond. I'll be pure, no longer will i care about what others feel unless they put in effort at all. I'll just do my job and leave the rest to that person.

It's my passion to teach others. Be it Chemistry or anything else. If i see that i'm taken for granted, I quit. If i see that i'm not appreciated, I quit. however, i won't quit if my student is unable to achieve results, i mean, it's my responsibility to get them on track, and it's their effort that brings them their results. If they don't ask questions, they'll never learn. Reason being, i won't initiate anymore. It's best to stay passive. So if they really want to learn, they'll have to take the initiative. I won't encourage them, neither will i demoralise them. All i know is that i'm actually benefitting if they ask questions. I'm sorry if i sounded harsh.

I wanted to let them learn the easier way, but they didn't want to. So.. it's just too bad, they'll all just have to learn the hard way. I don't care if my world is empty. In fact, it's not at all, I have me, me, me, me, and more me's... 11 personalities are enough to keep the me in reality company. I don't need friends, but i'll be happy to have them if they are willing to initiate. I need a true friend... and this tiring search seems to continue endlessly. So.. i kinda given up. No one deserves my trust. "I'm sad", but that's only verbal. My heart is really made of steel now.

I still miss the times when we chatted over msn, the phone, face to face... but well, that's the past. It's time i started living not in the present, but in the future. I'm unsure if i existed in the past to some people. Or perhaps.. i may even be inexistent in her heart. But who cares? That's her problem, not mine. In fact, if they forget me, then it's just too bad for them. If they fail to, they just lost someone who would definitely be there for them when they're in trouble (that is if they manage to convince me that they're worth my sacrifice).

My rage is gone, my mind is calm. I'd really been thinking for a very long time, and i thought of endings that shouldn't even happen that happened. I won't pass judgement on her, even though she may have done me wrong, I think i done her more wrong. I won't waste my time to protect anyone anymore, and i won't help anyone more than i should be helping.

I wish to be alone, so that no one will be hurt by me in what i call "Justice". May judgement be passed on those who wronged me since 2002, for they shall be forgiven once they face the punishment they deserved. May this world be rid of all evil, then i can show all of you, how brilliant this world can be!!!