{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061025

10/25/2006 05:53:00 PM

What did i do today.. i really wonder.. have i really untied that knot? seems like a dead knot to me.. I dunno.. sigh.. as long as she feels better, nothing really does matter much. Sigh.. no one to confide in.. now that this has happened, i think we're kinda getting further apart.. because people think i'm scary.. maybe it should be the other way round instead.. I think those people around me are getting more and more frightening everyday.. They're all to superficial, total hypocrites... Are they even friends? I dunno.. everything really seems so strange to me.. no one bothers to talk... yeah.. i guess i shouldn't even care... There's no one who understands me now.. NO ONE.. only left with me in my own world..

Emptiness.. feel it again.. Sigh.. i'm really just so tired in my efforts to redirect my attention from thinking.. i participated fully in PE, wrote my novel, sang my songs, did my best for OP.. And now.. i'm so tired.. imagine.. after doing all this, my emptiness in my heart is not filled yet.. Sigh.. I'm sick and tired of life... just so tired to do anything anymore.. I don't even want to play games.. i dun want tv, i dun wanna talk to anyone, i dun wanna study, i'm totally lost.. I'm just lost.. where is it that i should go next? what should i do? I can't think of anything!!! ARGHHGHG!!

I requested for a long leave from my committee head today (SC). I told him i won't be able to do anything unless i stabilise my own thoughts. then i asked for 1 month of break, he said ok. thank goodness he wasn't in his unreasonable self...

Sigh.. dunno what to do.. i see no direction in life.. What's my purpose? I do not have one.. Really.. Still.. my mind is made up.. I'm still gonna wait for her. And yes, that's that.