{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061007

10/07/2006 09:41:00 PM

Sigh.. yesterday, got home then get scolded by my mom.. today the same thing happened. this time it was worse, her words were so hurtful.. all because i took 1.5 hrs to get home when i took 176, she said i didn't care about what was going on in the family. I knew all along, i shouldn't have spoiled her by returning home so early during the promos. i should've just stayed back late in school.

What once used to be a warm and loving family has now mutated into an ugly and frightening place to live in. She says that i take things for granted, but little did she know that there will someday be equivalent trade. if i were to give her the attention that she needs currently, I'd be ruining my future. I really wonder... she said she didn't want to be my burden in future, and look what's happening now? SHE'S MY BURDEN NOW, SOMEHOW OBSTRUCTING MY PATH TO SUCCESS!!!! GAH.. really frustrated. I wasn't obliged to help her in her stockchecking. I wasn't obliged to work for her. that's why.. i don't understand why is she getting so worked up about things.. I mean, can't the problem be solved with just speech at the appropriate amplitude? Why must there be shouting in the house?

Once again.. like mother like son, she's stubborn, i'm stubborn as well. My willpower is a hell lot stronger than her. I won't be beaten so easily. If not for the financial support that i require, i would just move out of the house right away. I'm not avoiding the situation, she's the one who doesn't understand the schedule that i face EVERY SINGLE DAY in JC.

That, in addition to the emotional probs that i'm currently facing, is really causing a lot of pain. I wanna end it, I wanna lie in that coffin and die. I wanna suffocate to death in my room, i wanna go on a hunger strike... i wanna cut my wrist...

Just in case i might do anything silly from now on till midnight, this might be the last post in my life, GOODBYE to all of those who cared for me. and thanks... TAKE CARE.