{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061023

10/23/2006 02:17:00 PM

panic attack... a very scary feeling.. glad that i know what's happening to me, but couldn't really control whatever i was thinking or doing.. worst thing is that i'm having panic attack in class.. it was scary.. was trying to look normal when i'm actually very nervous.. everyone seemed so strange to me.. even her. So afraid of everyone around me... as though they might say something bad to me.. but i really dunno.. i'm afraid.. why am i like that? is my will not powerful enough? in any case.. here are the results (although i still feel very unwell since class time...):

General Paper (S)
H1 Economics (E)
Chinese (B)
H2 Maths (A)
H2 Physics (A)
H2 Chemistry (A) -- i topped the class for chem i think.. according to mr tan boon jong..

Triple "A"s.. will i get into the principal's list? in any case.. wadever.. still.. i'm really pissed of by Ms Christina Ng, that GP teacher.. She's totally not helping the class at all.. i mean.. it's like totally none of her business... WHATEVER man.. I'll prove it to her.. i'll get good grades for GP next year and tell her straight in her face that i made it there by my own effort and not her worthless tutoring!!

Sigh.. she made me feel at least a little better today.. i mean.. at least she cared.. LOL.. what am i saying.. SHE SHOULD BE CARING!! LOL.. ok whatever.. nahs.. i dun really expect much from her, but that doesn't mean that she should take me for granted as time passes on.. LOL.. yeah.. i'm a big meanie.. HAHA.. hope that she would be online tonite.. really wish to talk to her as i didn't have the chance to after the release of the results.. i was just... too unstable to talk to her, lest i might freak out.. i dun want to start ranting in front of her again.. the feeling of listening to rantings is just.. sigh.. i just dun want her to suffer because of me.

OK... now.. er.. sigh.. tml no school.. won't get to see her either.. and my mom says that it's the MSN-ing that's resulting in those poor grades for GP... what can i say.. i'm totally barred from the outside world.. unable to go out with friends (as if i really did enjoy myself to the fullest.. haha.. i'm really anti-social... but heck..), unable to chat with friends (literally on MSN, there are only two people who would take time off to initiate a chat with me, obviously her.. and the other is my best friend). Oh well.. my life is just so colourless.. luckily she helped me smile naturally.. or else i'll really become the next Frankenstein.. LOL..