Maybe i'm just too free... maybe i'm just thinking too much.. maybe i might have untied that knot on the surface... but have i? somehow.. i failed to notice that line last time.. now as i step out of this circle of mine, to have a better picture... i suddenly saw it... she fears that it might get worse if it carries on... strange.. why didn't i see that last time?
sigh.. holidays... when there's literally nothing to take your mind off... one can really think until one goes crazy... I've been thinking and thinking since i woke up... and yes.. he's still sitting there in a daze.. i kinda affected him. If this carries on.. will i be able to study as hard? i'll end up studying just for the sake of studying... there's no motivation at all... Why doesn't she have faith in herself? I'm not doubting her faith in me, i trust her for that. but really.. am i complaining too much? am i ranting too much? I can jolly well stop blogging... cos i always thought bloggers who wrote all their thoughts were inferior people as they didn't want to speak up but they still wanted others to know about them.. now i'm the inferior one... It's been almost a week.. i've been struggling for almost a week... I don't care about my results anymore, what's the point of such an unhappy life?
i guess the substitue really is just a figure i created in order to shield myself from further harm. but.. it is a futile attempt. The truth is there... it's within reach... or is it that i want to seek a truth that is harder to achieve and that's further away? i have 2 paths to choose from now.. one is to destroy the emotions... the other is to see what equivalent trade can return me. If Increase input = Increased damage to myself but also = increased chances of equivalence... then, it might be a good choice to try it out... i read something somewhere... it inspired me greatly.
If there was a fork in the road ahead... which path would you take? the right or the left path? if you went the left path.. and you went through all kinds of traps before you found a gold mine.. and you say HEY.. maybe the other path is easier??... but what if you took the right path and you realised that it was just a dead end or maybe you fell into some trap with absolutely nothing at all? I'm an RPG gamer. i usually take both paths in the game so that i won't miss out anything. but the thing is, Life isn't a game... so perhaps... maybe i am going through that trappy part now.. but will i end up finding the gold mine in the end?
Will someone please give me hope? I'm at the brink of my existence... i don't even have my own character now.. Who am i? i don't even know.. Why am i suddenly picking up a guitar? Why is it that I'm even blogging right now? I don't even know what is my purpose in life... The more i look at him sitting there on my bed, staring into space doing nothing.. the more i wonder... what's the point of him living in this dimension? He needs a shave though.. or else she'll ask him to shave on monday. He still has so many things to do.. and yet he's sitting there like a nut, so unproductive... but perhaps.. i'm only complaining.. haha complain king...
he's the substitute without a need to smile.. he's the substitute who does not require friends. He's the strongest substitute there is, cos he's what i am for the past 4 years in secondary school, prolly the most powerful personality i can remember. oh well.. what to do... what you see isn't what you get... What i am now? I'm just me... i'm like a soul stuck inside the most beautiful memory of my life. and what is he? he's just an artificial being... with no memories, no soul, no feelings, no emotions... a very boring life he leads... I feel sad for him.
AHH.. what a long post.. perhaps i'm really too free... imagine.. all these stuff i wrote here.. they were just 15 minutes of what i thought about... imagine if i were to write about whatever that i had thought about.. woah... my blog will be so huge.. haha.. ok.. i go jam on my guitar again.. then i won't think so much. LOL.. i'm never tired of waiting as long as i hope... even if it's false..
