{Why'd you have to be so clueless?.

20061029

10/29/2006 09:41:00 PM

Just came back from HMV... woah.. it's been a long time since i went to orchard... Really.. sigh.. went there to walk and walk walk walk... Shop also.. i was never a good shopper, but i'm always patient enough to walk around with someone who knows how to shop.. haha.. I'm like a trolley today... carrying loads of stuff for my mom... also confided alot of stuff to her. Yea... sometimes she drives me nuts, but ya know, she's the best pal i'd ever have such that i won't even feel lonely even when i had no friends beside me. Thanks mommy...

But.. my mom asked the same question whenever i was quiet... she asked me what i was thinking.. and i said nothing. I just stared at her with those eyes... She knew i needed help... i looked so dead..

my mom felt as though my body was right next to her, following her, but my soul was somewhere else... which indeed i was.. i was still at the park, sitting alone at that bench, replaying that scene, over and over and over and over again... sitting alone in that double decker bus...

I was also replaying those happy memories.. and comparing them with that very day... She said she had problems with right and left.. haha, that made me smile, she didn't know how to cook her dinner, that made me smile too. her sweetness towards me... while chatting, in that 3 days, or even before we liked one another... it made me smile. then i thought, how could such a nice person hurt me? perhaps the blow that day was of a stronger magnitude than the happy memories we had together? such that it overlapped all those happy ones? Is that so? Am i still able to smile? but i did.. when i pictured her smile in my mind... in those memories, i felt happiness... but.. like a filmstrip.., it will fade away, or oxidise or whatever... I'd really wish to take a photo of that smile... so that i can be reminded of her. so that i can be reminded that she actually put such a natural smile on my face..

My mom said two things that left a deep impression on me... Firstly, she said, "If you're able to look back at a relationship and you can still smile about it, you have made a great achievement in life. but the thing is, it can only happen when you're married with that person, haha, ok that was a joke, but really, believe me."

Secondly, she said, "Do your (current) dad's method, it works wonders!" haha.. my dad's one heck of a guy, boring, average looking, but really great personality! He did it!!, but i'm not gonna write it here.. that's my secret. No one shall know about it.

Mr Patrick Tong sms-ed me today, he asked me to go for some photo taking shit, i told him i CMI. WHY he asked.. i told him family business. and he probed further, and i told him it's too personal to divulge. Then he was really insensitive... he told me that i should not let family matters take away my commitment towards the college.. now this is not a chicken and egg problem.. the ans is very simple. if you were to ask me to rank my priorities, i think my mom's life would come first. So i told him straight in my sms, that he was really insensitve to say that. He doesn't deserve my respect, so i won't give him any. I don't care what i'll face in the future, if he wants to challenge me, i'd gladly take up his challenge!